The thin girl.

There are many times
when I look at myself
and think about
You and Me.

I'd say,
"Well.
You would like me more,
if I were thinner."

And both of you would agree.

Forgive me, Lord.
For I am so weak.
I resigned to myself,
and acquitted from my goals.
I feel so weak,
I can't bear to look at myself
straight in the mirror--
for that is the sorry price
I've paid for my
crimes.
The mirror taunts me,
The mirror also gloats.
She stares at me, through that mirror,
her belly button winking at me like her eyes
and they chide me for being so
vulnerable to myself.
I've lost,
to my ignorance,
and lost,
to my illusory, feigned, materialistic sham of happiness--
a sham that can only span for...
(what? three hours?)
Until it's done again.
And now my belly just flops
-relentlessly cascading-
deviously overflowing with greed
at the edges of my pants,
and seethes of revenge
because
"I have NOT treated it
like the temple it feels it is."
(Corinthians spews
of the laws I should have abided by;
I should have sworn my oath at the time.)
Why did I lose You,
amidst all this?

what's in a word?

hegemonically - control or dominating influence by one person or group, especially by one political group over society or one nation over others

caste - the class and rank or position of somebody in a society, according to birth, occupation, or some other criterion

bloc - a group of countries or political parties with a shared aim

chafe - (1) to become sore or worn by rubbing, or make something sore or worn in this way; (2) to cause friction; (3) to be or make somebody irritated, annoyed, or impatient

creolized - to form a new mixed language from two or more other languages

inexorable - adjective

1.	unyielding; unalterable: inexorable truth; inexorable justice.

2.	not to be persuaded, moved, or affected by prayers or entreaties: an inexorable creditor.

inviable - unable to survive, especially financially or biologically


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why do i care?





practice:
"Emily imputed wickedness to the caregiver for not answering her cries for help."

I just had a weird ass dream, haha. Okay, the part I remember… Jin, Jimmy, Charlene and I were all in a car telling stories about hm… past incidents that have happened to us. So Jimmy was telling about a past incident where him and his family does scary things

(btw, Jimmy’s in the passenger seat. Jin is driving. I’m on the left side in the back, Charlene’s on the right.)

And then Jimmy says that he goes to an autoshop of sorts, and before he leaves, Jimmy like… smushes his whole self (like he usually does) on the window and makes that creepy face similar to the Cambria photo (eyes wide open, tongue out haha).

Then the cashier guy goes, “How’d it doo baby boo” or whatever and points both index fingers at Jimmy (all perkily). Or saying something like “Everyone does their own thing.” (??)

And then my brain skips suddenly (forgot the in b/w)… I remember being in Jimmy’s house and there’s a sink full of water with peeled oranges in it. Then I do something and unplug the water accidentally, when it all drains. Julie sees and gasps ‘cause she thinks I’m in major trouble (so do I).

There are bits and pieces I remember – I’m in Jimmy’s house, as if we’re staying in Cambria.

Now, I remember this one last part when some small thin Asian man with mid-length hair (with a face kind of like Winnie, my old piano teacher??) walks up to our car and goes, “I’m dead.” And then puts his hands seductively all over Jin’s head. And then everyone freaks the hell out (the car window was down for the driver). And we jet out of there. The freaking end, to this weirdness beyond words.

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